Dearest Clients,

     Just thought I’d inform you that every time I enter your email addresses into our database and it ends in @hotmail.com or @aol.com, I am judging you. Hard.

Regards,

Your bitchy receptionist

everything i own is gold and gray. 

Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets Mr. Swanson? Or for poor bitches who have run out of beer and have resorted to vodka.

I am about that wig life.

Things that are good:

• impromptu wine and cheese party

nufang:

Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don’t have to. But you probably will, because I’m hilarious. 

(via wa11flower)

Cannot wait to get my taxes back so I can get started on my New Hampshire tattoo. I think I want it to be a deer head facing one way and a bear head facing the other and there’s a banner underneath that says live free or die and I can’t wait to get it drawn up. 

(Source: kokodokoko, via wa11flower)

NEW JOB DANCE NEW JOB DANCE!!!

I got the call today. I am going to be a student aid at an elementary school. Paid vacation, and full benefits are just a few of the perks. I am so excited to be able to do something that’s not just answering phones and catering to the upper class of Boston. I love the spa, I love my coworkers, and I’m going to try and stay on part time but it’ll be nice to know what I do means something. 

 Happy Valentine’s Day to me, you are now responsible for 5 children between the ages of 7-10.

We do Galentine’s day right.

            horny

        ↗            ↘

   hungry   ←   hateful

        the lifecycle

(via colorthesky-red)

(Source: thatsinistersmile, via queerofthehill)